Magores dodges Landmines

I mentioned previously that crossing the street in Beijing is a matter of taking your life into your own hands.

At the time I wrote that post, I didn't completely realize how much of a life-changing experience just walking on the sidewalk was.

To put it bluntly, Beijing is littered with landmines.

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They are not the type of landmines you might think of when you first hear the word though.

"Beijing Landmines" are commonly translated into English (by me) as:
1) "Dog Shit" sitting on the sidewalk and/or
2) "Huge Globs of Green Snot and Phlegm" sitting on the sidewalk
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First, lets discuss doggie-doo.

For pretty much all of my adult life, I have lived in California. Now, I readily admit that California can be weird about some things. But California cities have a rule (written? unwritten?) that is actually pretty good. The rule goes something like this...

"If you are walking your dog, and your dog poops, you are obligated to pick up the poop and dispose of it in a trash can."

If you are in the rural areas, the rules are a bit different. But, if you are in a place that has more concrete than wheat, thats the rule.

Beijing doesn't have that rule.

Therefore... Beijing Landmine Style #1

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Next, lets discuss Globs of Snot and Phelgm

Spitting is one of those things that people in California would commonly consider to be a bad habit. But, they do it anyway.

Occasionally, you'll be walking along the streets of San Francisco, or LA, or San Diego, or whereever, and you'll hear that distinctive "Krrgghhts" sound. Then, some guy (usually age 12-21) will "hawk a loogie" into the gutter.

Beijing is a little different.

Instead of "occasionally", you hear that sound "constantly". And instead of "some guy" its being made by some "person". (Guys/Gals ... doesn't matter. This city has equal rights as far as that is concerned. And, age doesn't mean anything. 12-120 its all good) And, instead of the gutter, the loogie will usually end up, about 6 inches from where the person is standing. Sometimes, this means the gutter. More often than not, it means on the sidewalk... 6 inches from you!

Beijing Landmine Style #2-A


Beijing also adds a twist to this scenario.

Often, you will will hear a different sound. Instead of "krrgghhts", you will hear "fffshhhttss". This is the signal that someone is holding a finger to one nostril, and blowing snot out of the other.

Beijing Landmine Style #2-B

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Keep in mind that Beijing is friggin cold. Today's high was -3 Celcius. That equals -450 Farenheit, or something.

Cold weather like this causes snot and plhegm. And you can see the proof of that fact on the sidewalk.

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I tried to think of a way to work in the concept that "Spitting is China's national pastime." But, I couldn't figure out how to do it. But, it is. IT REALLY IS. I'M NOT EXAGGERATING!

I've seen a great-great-grandmother hawk a loogie the size of a calf brain. Her husband completely covered it with a snot-ball. And then their dog came along and left a "present" right next to it.

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So there you go. Thats a little bit about what life in Beijing is really like.

Damn, I love this place!